Ok, confession time. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm not sad or upset so much but anxious anxious anxious. I still haven't called all the contractors (but I promise to make the list of names/numbers today), my ex is on my ass about changes to our separation agreement (I promise to call my lawyer today), my son threw a ball through our front door window (I have an appt tomorrow morning to see about a much-needed new door that I can't afford), I applied for another good job and I need a massage (booked for tomorrow afternoon) because I wiped out in stupendous fashion while walking my dogs on the weekend. You know the kind of fall where you knock the wind out of your entire body and you quite literally hear the word "thud" when your back hits the ground? Yeah that. Owie.
I have to pick the kids up in less than an hour and I'm sitting here with that awful tense, fluttery feeling in my chest. And, like always in life, it's the little things that are pushing me over the edge. My teeth need cleaning for example. My coffee, red wine and (former) smoking habits are brutal on them and my family dental history is as long as Lindsay Lohan's rap sheet. No joke when I say that my family dentist shut down his practice for several hours so he & the hygienists could attend my mother's funeral. He's a good man but unless your teeth are absolute shit you don't get to know your dentist that well, you know what I mean? This is the gene pool I'm working within. Also, I have 2 gigantic mounds of laundry to fold and somehow that never ever gets done. I've been madly grabbing socks for the kids out of those baskets for about a week. This is a skill I should teach them because there's nothing more irritating than clean laundry sitting in baskets. Oh wait, yes there it, it's folding laundry. Especially with young kids constantly bounding in and belly flopping on my bed. I can't make piles, I need to make pyramids of folded clothes. Wide base = not falling over. Ha!
Also, if I'm being truthful, I have a boy that I can't get out of my head. Cannot. And he needs to get out of my head because ... well, he just does. For now I'll leave it at that. I am keeping myself busy, I have a legitimately good attitude, I have more than enough stress (gah, I need more Botox, that frown line is reminding me!). I can distract myself but as soon as my mind has a few moments of free time, he sneaks in there. I feel like I'm parenting myself: distract, distract, distract all the time.
Finally, my ex-boyfriend/ex-contractor's 40th birthday is tomorrow. I haven't spoken to him since I let him go almost a month ago. Do I text him and say happy birthday? I'm eternally nice - if I was a book character, that'd be my fatal flaw - so everything in me says yes. We've known each other for over 20 years, we were together on & off (mostly on) for around 4, it's a milestone. So totally yes, right? But then things didn't end well, he let me down repeatedly both personally & professionally and he's made no attempt to apologize or fix anything. So, what's a girl to do in this scenario? To text or not to text, that is the question.
Off to have a shot of Rescue Remedy, some chamomile tea, do some deep breathing and meditation. Ok, total bullshit there. I'm going to make a latte and then take the kids to a bakery and stuff myself full of peanut butter cookies. Thank god it's a swim night!!!!!!
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