Mind (way) over matter!

I'm fat. Yes, that's what I discovered late last week.  Not that I've just put on a few pounds of winter weight but that I have ballooned.  Fabulous.  I had a date and literally had about 3 viable options because I couldn't shimmy into anything else.  Such an awful feeling and this is about the third time in my life that it's snuck up on me.  I blame that on being tall as you can easily hide 10 pounds on a tall frame and then suddenly it's more like 20 pounds and you can't wear your pants.  Oh and also, YOU'RE TWENTY POUNDS HEAVIER!  Geez, what a bummer.

However, that afternoon of trying on a zillion things while texting 3 of my friends and practically crying was the breaking point.  The next day I got on Google and researched like my life depended on it.  I've claimed to be a triathlete for the past few years but I'm not training like one so calling myself that now just makes me feel like a failure.  But I am athletic and love to work out so that's a huge bonus.  While googling I came across this link from T-Nation (great site, incidentally) which talks about "Britney Spears Syndrome" and it blew my mind.  I'm an apple shape by nature, though I've been lucky enough to enjoy being active and not actually look as round as an apple.  But I hold all my weight in my torso and inner thighs and I have a completely flat ass - not sexy.  So, armed with that information as well as a whole bunch of other stuff I've set some goals:

1.  22 pound weight loss.  This is actually ideally 32 but 22 will get me looking good again (32 is very thin for me, though not unhealthily so, and it'd be so great!).  I want this done in about 2 months.

2.  Pilates a few times a week but no additional direct ab work.  Going to test the "Britney Spears Syndrome" and see if I can try to keep my middle from getting yet wider.

3.  Build a round bum.  This is another thing that never occured to me but of course the bum is all muscle and of course you can build it.  So I've already started going HARD with glute exercises in an effort to take me from flat to fucking awesome.  The bonus of building a more sexy/big ass is that it may work together with my bigger boobs to help me look a bit more hourglass-ish.  This is the hope anyway.  I'm enjoying all the squats, hip thrusts, lunges, etc.  My bum kills and I like it.  Bulgarian split squats are particularly torturous.

4.  Eat clean.  It's spring and fresh things are & will continue to be easily available.  Barbecue is an easy option, salads are great, and everything is at it's peak.  I have no excuse.  And I'm about 5 days in and already I'm amazed by how often my mind tells me to go eat something yummy.  I mean, this happens a LOT.  I've given in to a few treats but I try to make good choices even then, like fudgesicles, which aren't nutrient dense but aren't calorie laden either.  I refuse to count calories or track points so I need to eat great quality and less quantity.  I'll confess to the cheesecake on Thursday night though.  Not sure what came over me but I'm super glad it was great cheesecake so at least I got some satisfaction out of the moment of weakness.

So there, my goals are public.  I'm counting on things like this to be true!  My butt is bigger but equally as flat.  Gah!  Squat, lunge, squat, hip thrust, squat, repeat ....